Unposted Letters : to the one who stole my childhood

Often it happens, what is want to say to someone – remains unsaid. That silence and mum for years builds up in our hearts and minds. Here is a series of “Unposted Letters” which will feature emotions – feelings – thoughts of people who have something to say.

I met you when I was only a child, and was drawn to you.

You were well known and greatly respected in your chosen field. I was delighted to be “liked” by you, and enjoyed the extra support and encouragement you gave me.

You were my coach, my mentor.

In time you became more important to me than my parents, family or friends.

I was happy to be around you, to babysit for you, to have extra training with you.

You were using me. Creating a friendship built on a lie. After one year you made your move. Within weeks you had enveloped me in a giant net, from which I could not escape.

I was too young to understand. I did not have the courage to ask for help.

My friends deserted me.

My reaction to my distress, shame and hurt at what was happening, caused me to become withdrawn at home. My mom and dad could not reach me. Even surrounded by brothers and sisters and loving parents, I was alone.

You had succeeded in your mission.

As I grew up you tightened the noose. You stalked me. Trying to control every moment of my day from a distance.

However you made one miscalculation. I was not as weak as you thought. A combination of my mothers steely nature and my fathers quiet strength, allowed me to break free.

And then I came looking for you.

I discovered many more who were also looking.

You ran, escaping to a faraway country. The news broke. My family struggled. Unwelcome notoriety came knocking on our door. Others took up the call and went looking for you.

A legal loophole stopped us. You can stay where you are.

Some may say we never got justice.

I say that I am well and happy. You took my childhood but that is only a few short years, I have reclaimed my life.

I am glad I will never again see you.

I will never forget what you took from me, nor will I ever forgive you.

But you no longer control my life.

You cannot say that about your own life. You have to be ever watchful. Because wherever you go we find you.

As I hug my husband and hold my children close, I smile and think of you.

Abandoned by your family, pursued by press and authorities with ever increasing financial difficulties.

You are living the life you deserve.

I am writing this letter to let you know,

I too am living the life I deserve!

Guest post by Tric

Unposted Letters : Yours in friendship always.

Often it happens, what is want to say to someone – remains unsaid. That silence and mum for years builds up in our hearts and minds. Here is a series of “Unposted Letters” which will feature emotions – feelings – thoughts of people who have something to say.

Dear Paul,

I agonized over how to tell you this but finally decided, after all we have been through together that I owed you more than an email or phone call.

You know what I am going to say don’t you? I am sorry Paul. I know you well enough to know, you will immediately think “there is someone else!” Yes there is Paul and we both know who it is. It is Charley. I am sorry Paul, he has been wooing me for ages with big promises and I have resisted his offers but last Saturday when he announced he could deliver twice a day even on Sunday, I knew I needed him. I told him “yes.”

Don’t be embarrassed because you could never deliver even though you kept saying you would. I know you wanted to and it wasn’t your fault. The problem is Paul, I am tired. It is a long way up the hill to your place and then back again. That is why I am canceling my Newspaper Subscription with you and transferring it over to Charlies ” News on the Run.” I trust we will remain friends and perhaps if you ever find you are indeed able to deliver you could give me a call.

Yours in friendship always.

Sharon.

Guest post writer : Sharon from GentleStitches.com

FEAR : an analysis

It is undeniable that we humans live in constant fear.

However much confident, independent, solitary or loved we are, there exist an ounce of fear within each of us. The fear some share openly, the fear some hide mysteriously, the fear some admit consciously and the fear some know unconsciously..

So what are these fears?

I made a small list of my own here, trying to explore different types of fear found in the deepest corners of our hearts.

1. Fear of losing a loved one

This is the most commonly found fear in humans. Maybe in animals too, but I haven’t thought about that (yet).

Be it a person fearing his/her old ailing parent would die soon. Or a teenager head over heels in love with someone, fearing its just infatuation and won’t last. Fear of losing a loved one stirs up anyone – even if they claim they’re emotionally strong. Losing a child or spouse or parent / grandparent is the most natural fear, and natural because it is defectively installed in us to love our family. The ones who nurture us over the years, the ones who stand by us all along.

They say break-ups are hard, because even lovers become emotionally attached, falling prey into the fear of losing each other. This type of fear in fact, causes many other issues like being possessive, over protective or addicted.

Fear of losing a friend is also found in many. Some friendships do last long, but some are lost in the sands of time.

2. Fear of being lonely

Man is a social animal, which needs to be occasionally, if not constantly, fed with emotional interactions with others.
The fear of being lonely results in actions like seeking attention from family/peers, be always surrounded by people, or even being a party animal.

All these, and even more circumstances signify that people have a need to interact with others. And devoid of it causes mental imbalance too.

Nobody wants to be lonely. Its i different thing, to be alone for a while – to maybe sort out a problem, or think peacefully. Solitude is essential, but prolonged solitude is harsh on a person.

Moreover, as there is a saying – with sharing, happiness multiplies and sadness decreases. To be not able to share and celebrate one’s happiness is disheartening, and similarly, not being able to share the burden of a problem or worry also consumes a person from inside.

Hence everyone has a close-knit circle of family and friends, and the idea of losing them is always scary.

3. Fear of failure

Failing to meet expectation, repercussions of not meeting a deadline, losses of a failed project or continuous bad luck/timing – all these are perfect examples of fear of failure.

Giving up a dream because it doesn’t seen feasible, not taking up a task or not taking risks in a project/investment – these also imply that we are scared of failure.

Success matters so much, that we resent on miscalculating and not take an unplanned step. Uncalculated decisions taken without much weighing of matters can cause failure, but it is short-term only. For the long race, it teaches us what not to do which adds on to our experience and wisdom.

Staying on shore won’t fetch you pearls. And staying aboard won’t give you the experience of swimming. So dive in!

4. Fear of being judged

This is fairly common too, in all age groups.

A student might not raise a doubt in class, because he is embarrassed that it might be a foolish doubt and what others might think of him. A high school student hides from his peers that he writes romantic poems, because he fears they’ll laugh at him. A college graduate looks at the mirror before stepping out of his room, because he doesn’t want to be the laughing-stock. A manager doesn’t suggest improvements because he doubts if they’ll be implemented or even considered, and the management might dismiss him saying its a waste of time. A professor throws out a student from his class because of asking an irrelevant question, but actually because he dint know the explanation for it.

There can be a million instances in everybody’s life, when we act according to others. Because we fear what will others think. How many people have you seen singing in the public openly? Very less right? That’s because they fear they’ll be laughed at, or looked down upon, or be stared at.

We judge others and we are scared of being judged. It’s a vicious cycle which needs to stop.

5. Fear of conscious

A famous person once wrote, I sleep peacefully at night because I have a clear conscience.

If you haven’t borrowed or stolen, why will you fear anyone? Who can harm you, unless you have harmed someone? The inner voice won’t leave you alone if you know you’re guilty.

That is the power of conscience. It’s not in self-control. We can’t shut the constant nagging of our mind reminding us of our sin.

This fear of conscience, I say, is the best fear. Because it keep a check on us, guarding us from our own deeds and protecting us from decisions we might regret.

If such a fear of karma exists in all of us, this world would be such a peaceful place to live in.

6. Fear of death

The biggest truth of our life is death. Even though death is inevitable, there isn’t a soul who accepts it wholeheartedly. Everyone wants to live just a little longer.

Maybe the old and ailing wish to end their lives, and the ones who commit suicide don’t actually know the worth of this beautiful gift called life, but for the rest of us the fear of death doesn’t go.
Even our cultures and religions don’t preach us particularly to accept death with open arms with a smile on our face.

Indeed, our holy books narrate about the wonderful afterlife, lure us towards the glorious heaven and tell us how angels will take care of us, but these hardly leave an everlasting impression on our minds to fight or curb the fear of death.

Maybe I am wrong, but at least I haven’t read anything which tells people to give up the life and be dead instead. The holy books can guide us, how to lead our lives, so that when we die we don’t suffer (in death or life after death). They can even tell us how committing sins will hinder our transfer to the other side of death. But none can teach us how to accept the ultimate destination of death.

Some people don’t travel by airways, some avoid water, some prefer walking than sitting in a machine called car and some just keep bodyguards. All because they love their life and don’t want to die.

To a certain extent, this emotion is justified. We humans make emotional bonds with not just living beings but also non living things. So just the fear of leaving it all behind does stir up some unpleasant feeling.

But how far can we fight death?

7. Fear of future

Got final term exam tomorrow? Or results?
Or a thesis presentation?
Or maybe an appointment with your manager?
Or a meeting with your employees to tell them their allowances are reduced?
Or maybe its your baby’s first day at school?
Or a new collection of clothes releasing tomorrow?

And are you having butterflies in your stomach? Not able to sleep?

Well my friend, then like all of us you are excited and maybe fearing the future.

There is one thing to look forward to future – which is a positive aspect. Because you have worked hard for it, and you know nothing went wrong and you did it all absolutely correct. Then you look forward to future, waiting for the fruitful results.

But if you have doubts, you are not confident or you’re confused, you have done something wrong, crossed someone, they you fear your future. Because you worry what hell might break loose tomorrow!

As to how to avoid this, I really don’t know. Maybe with a clean conscience. But then, actors or fashion designers etc they do their hard work, but they fear the critics and audience on day of release. That has got nothing to do with conscience because an unknown factor is judging you and deciding your fate. Conscience has no play then.

8. Phobia

Google can list more than 100 types of phobias found in people.

See here for the complete list.

Some are afraid of the dark, some are afraid of being lonely, and some are scared of crowd. This is a play of hormones in a person’s body, in my opinion.

As far as I know there isn’t a cure of phobia or other types of fears for that matter. And definitely there is a limit to which one can control his or her mind. Lets agree not all of us have a tactful control on our minds and hearts. Then how do we deal with fears?

Faith. Facing the true facts, looking right into the eyes of our fear, and keeping in mind the truth of our living, may help some fight some of these fears. And that is what therapy also does. It makes us believe in ourselves. Believe that we are the sole writers of our fate, destiny, life and death. And come what may, we have the strength to face it.

Live life in each moment with whatever you have around. Maybe lesser people tomorrow, maybe fewer loved ones by your side, but its you my friend who decide the terms and conditions for your life. Tomorrow I may die or I be so embarrassed that I wish to die. But at this moment I live this moment. With no fear. With no fear.

Never borrow never lend, if you want to keep a friend.

I could not agree more. Whoever said beg, borrow, steal was a way out, was not living in today’s world.

We all know a person’s attire gives in a sense of his personality. Many ever believe shoes tell you about a person. In fact, that is the sole reason why candidates appearing for an interview dress their best.

But what if this “look” and “personality” is borrowed? Can you imagine how deceptive it can be!

Because we, in general, are receptive to another persons look and dressing, it may lead us to wrong conclusions if the appearance is faked. And, it won’t be wrong in saying that clothes, make up, footwear and hair style can change the way one looks. Very easily that too.

A perfect example of that being the world of cinema. Actors and actresses adopt various looks for a particular film, which change movie after movie. I still remember our talented Miss World turned actress Priyanka Chopra in the Bollywood movie What’s your Rashee. It depicted Miss PC in 12 different avatars based on the common star signs. And everyone would agree, the make up artist and costume designer did a fantastic job.

And that’s not just about the movie world. In reality too, people carry themselves off as someone else.

For this, let me give a simple example. Girl 1, from a mediocre background, a newly independent citizen. Girl 2, a little better off. For a party, 1 borrows from 2 a dress and a pair of heels. Later, photos of them surface up on Facebook.

Someone had commented on 1‘s incredible dressing sense, how fabulous she looks in a dress, how the dress is completely made for her. 2 was amused by the way 1 floated around after the newly found love of others appreciation. 

For a next event too, 1 borrows her look from 2. Stingy in investing in a dress and presuming borrowing is the best shine out for a night, 1 continued this habit for a continued period of time, over which her financial status was not as middle-class as before. But habits, they say, are hard to let go.

Soon, 2 realized 1 was taking an advantage of her. And without much verbal conflict, the distance between them started growing.

Well, I don’t know how else this story ends, firstly because it’s absolutely fictitious and made up entirely to relate to this topic. Secondly because, it’s about girls. You cannot be sure how they ended things and what their verbal conversation might have been. Also, I took the liberty to exemplify this with girls because I don’t think men fight over these petty issues. (Or maybe I am wrong) 😀

What I believe is, its good to change the way you look or carry yourself. It’s also okay to borrow once in a while, in case of fashion emergencies. But do not depend on others to remake or to create your own personality.

Maybe initially you might get successful in creating an impression you want to, but eventually who you exactly are will surface. 

So invest in yourself. If you cannot buy expensive stuff, at least be presentable with what you can afford. And smile. It makes a huge lot of difference in the way you look.

Cheers.

for F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Being Monica Geller in is intriguing! Example of her maniac cleanliness is sorting towels into eleven different categories (three being “fancy”, “guest”, and “fancy guest”).

But actually there exist a little Monica Geller in each one of us.

Now I don’t say that we are crazy to such an extent, but we have such foibles in a moderate extent. Best example is when we categorize the people in our lives: our friends, neighbors, family members.

If not all, we would have seen a variety of each of these types in our lives. We label our close ones-we label people we haven’t met-we label people we just met.

Some people hit it off with us instantly, finding a special place in our lives. Best friends, family members and partners become the favorite characters of our life-story. 

For all those mates who have a contribution in making my life memorable, regardless of the contribution, I am thankful! It is not possible for me to even pen down all the names, but in my heart, I know the “category” of people who have come a long way with me. This one is for you all.